Risking Nothing
by Vicki595
Summary: How Endgame should have gone…


Risking Nothing  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned them, this would have happened. I own nothing except an overactive imagination, and a lot of coffee!  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
*I felt that the reasons TPTB gave for Janeway throwing everything away weren't quite enough. (Plus the fact that they paired Chakotay with Seven - yuck!) So, she lost her two best friends and her protégé. The rest of the crew seemed to have done okay (The Doctor even chose a name - now that's saying something!) So, here's my version of why the admiral was willing to risk everything.or in her opinion, nothing.*  
  
"Why? What's so important that you'd come back in time and risk everything?"  
  
"Because I'm risking nothing. My life in the future means nothing to me. In two years time, you're going to let your guard down, and let Chakotay in," the admiral told her. "Tuvok will marry you six months after that, and you will have two children - little girls." Admiral Janeway's voice went wistful as she remembered their children.  
  
"So? What happened?" Captain Janeway demanded. "Why is it so important that we go back now?"  
  
"They die. They all die," Admiral Janeway said, and to the captain's horror, tears were running down her cheeks.  
  
"When? Why? How?"  
  
"What about the temporal prime directive?"  
  
"Screw it," Kathryn declared.  
  
"Taya was born in 2381, about seven months after you. we married," the admiral told her. "Tom and B'Elanna had a son, Owen, the year after and then we had Elizabeth two years after that in 2384. They were beautiful children - Taya was so much like Chakotay, while Chakotay always swore that Elizabeth was the exact replica of me."  
  
"Go on," Kathryn urged, although she couldn't deny how weird it felt, being told of her children, who she didn't know existed until five minutes ago.  
  
"It was 2390, four years before Voyager returned home. We were in orbit of Callandra Prime, a peaceful government, who greeted us with open arms. While I was attending various meetings, Chakotay took Taya and Owen down to the surface to look around the market. Tom was meant to take them, but Chakotay wanted to go down anyway, so he took the children, while Tom was invited to visit their shuttle bays, along with B'Elanna."  
  
"What about Elizabeth, and B'Elanna and Tom's daughter?" Kathryn asked.  
  
"Miral, you mean. Well, Elizabeth was only six at the time, and had elected to stay on board the ship. And I think Miral was glad to get Owen out of her hair for a few hours, so she stayed on board too. She said that she'd go down with her mum or dad at some point," the admiral explained. "Anyway, whatever the reasons, it was only Chakotay, Taya and Owen who went down." The admiral gulped, and tears began to spill in her eyes again, as she was forced to repeat the painful memories.  
  
"There was a bomb, in the market place. They were there when it went off. Nearly a hundred people were killed that day, including my husband, daughter and godson. Two other crewmen died in the attack. I had to identify the bodies - all five of them, as captain. No one else was available to do it - the first officer was one of the bodies."  
  
"What about Tuvok?" Kathryn asked.  
  
"He has a disease which affects the neural pathways," the admiral told her. "His condition slowly deteriorates until he resigns in 2383. There's a cure in the Alpha Quadrant."  
  
"What happened after the attack?"  
  
"I made Tom my first officer," Admiral Janeway replied. "He'd been serving as second officer since Tuvok's resignation, but it was a shock to both of us when he had to sit next to me on the bridge. He was so good to me after the attack - both he and B'Elanna were. They'd lost their son in the attack, but they were still fussing over me, trying to protect me. B'Elanna became second officer after that, and even though I was so grief stricken, when I entered it in the log, I couldn't help but wonder what Starfleet would think of my crew now. A former convict was my first officer; the second officer and chief engineer a Maquis, the same with my Chief of Security and Chief Conn Officer. Only Harry and I were 'fleet in out of the senior staff."  
  
Kathryn grinned, realised that the admiral, her future self, was trying to defuse such a tense situation.  
  
"What happened to Elizabeth?"  
  
"Elizabeth was the only thing that kept me going," the admiral confessed. "Not even the ship, and the promise I made to them would have been strong enough to get me through that. But, Elizabeth. How do you explain to a six-year-old that her father and sister were never coming home? It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do."  
  
"Who took the memorial service?"  
  
"Tom did, and for that I could never thank him enough. He was so unselfish, nothing like the brazen young man we met in New Zealand," the admiral replied. "Two weeks after their death, I found I was pregnant again."  
  
"How did you feel?" Kathryn asked, realising that her former self had kept it all bottled inside of herself, and she knew that she needed to talk about it.  
  
"Sad, that Chakotay and Taya wouldn't get to meet him or her, surprised, as we'd never thought of another child. Scared. I was so scared, that I would continuously compare the child to Taya. Scared that Elizabeth would think that I was just trying to replace her sister. Scared because I didn't know if I could handle looking after a child by myself. I was so scared, in case I lost this one as well."  
  
"Was it a boy or girl?" Kathryn asked.  
  
"A boy," the admiral replied. "Except I never named him. I miscarried two months later. There was nothing the Doctor could do for the baby, and I barely came out alive." Tears were running down her wrinkled cheeks. "Again, if it hadn't been for Elizabeth, I don't know what I would have done. But even she was to be torn away from me."  
  
"How? When?"  
  
"Three years later, six months before we returned home. SIX MONTHS!" The admiral exclaimed. "Elizabeth wasn't the only one we lost. We were attacked by an unknown ship, and one of the plasma manifolds ruptured near the classroom. Elizabeth, Naomi Wildman, Icheb, Andrew Tabor and Charlotte Ayala all died, and we almost lost Harry Kim. I retired to my quarters, and stayed there for a month, until B'Elanna came in with Sam Wildman and ordered me out, and to take over the bridge, as Tom had been forcing the crew to listen to twentieth century popular music, saying it would stop when I returned. I think B'Elanna said that something called 'Blue' was the last straw for her. But, I could hardly bare to look at B'Elanna at that point, as she was seven months pregnant. She was a reminder of what I had lost, and what I could never have again. But I left my quarters, and instead buried myself in work in my ready room. Two months later, I was invited down to sickbay to meet the forty-seventh child of Voyager."  
  
"Forty-seventh?" Kathryn queried. The admiral nodded her head.  
  
"Forty-seventh and last. Out of them, fourteen died, and three left us - Mezoti, Azan and Rebi, of course. Our biggest loss was the when Elizabeth died - five at once. When we returned, Miral was the oldest child, and her sister was the youngest."  
  
"Three months before you returned?"  
  
"Yes. B'Elanna and Tom called their youngest Kathryn Hope, and asked me to be her godmother. She's ten now, and loves to hear me talking about Voyager."  
  
"Then why are you doing this?" Kathryn asked. "If we get back now, she may never be born. Chakotay and I may not end up together on Earth, where the situations are different."  
  
"I'm doing this to save you the pain I had to go through," the admiral replied. "It hurt when you lost Mark, when you lost Justin. But loosing Chakotay will be harder than loosing both the others put together. You're life will never be the same after that. Another twenty-two crewmembers die getting back to the Alpha Quadrant, not including the children. Seven is going to be injured on an away mission, and she'll make it back to the ship, and die in the arms of the Doctor, admitting to him that she loved him. The grief he experiences nearly disables his program, permanently. If you don't go back now, then the whole crew is going to suffer. They will loose Seven, Chakotay, and in different ways, you and Tuvok. You can stop this, by returning now. And by returning now, you'll give not only yourself a future, but Chakotay, Seven, Naomi, Icheb and so many more."  
  
"Is there a way to disable the transwarp hub and get Voyager back safely?" Kathryn asked. "Any way?"  
  
Eighteen starships fired on the single Borg sphere, but Admiral Paris suddenly ordered them to cease-fire. From inside the Borg cube, out burst the starship Voyager. Home, sixty years before expected.  
  
"You did it," Chakotay told his captain, as they stood together on the crowded bridge. B'Elanna stood with Tom at the helm, baby Miral in her arms. No one would have guessed that she had just given birth five minutes ago. Naomi Wildman was in her mother's arms by the science console, and Icheb stood next to Seven at her station. There was silence on the bridge, all eyes fixated on the blue and green orb in front of them.  
  
"No," Kathryn replied, tears in her eyes. "*We* did it." She turned to face Chakotay, who pulled her into his arms, and kissed her.  
  
"Welcome home, Voyager." The words came from Admiral Paris, who was standing in Pathfinder headquarters, tears glistening in his eyes. "Welcome home."  
  
Yet the two senior officers heard nothing. They had found their home, in each other's arms. And there they were going to stay.  
  
Kathryn was sitting in her ready room, alone. This maybe the last time she sat there, and all her belongings had already been transported to the surface. She had just one more thing to do before she joined everyone else on the surface. No. make that two.  
  
"Captain's Log, stardate 7689.2  
  
We did it. Voyager is finally home."  
  
As she looked out her window, she could see Earth below her for the first time in seven years, and familiar stars surrounding them. Other starships were in orbit over Earth, and she could see the Sovereign class Enterprise- E from where she sat.  
  
"There have been seemingly endless debriefings for all the crew - Commander Chakotay and myself especially."  
  
A slight frown crosses her face, as she remembered sitting in front of a panel of admirals, not knowing what was happening to the rest of her crew. Being quizzed about every last decision she had made, or not made. Having to define her relationships with the rest of her crew - Chakotay especially.  
  
"We tell them everything which has happened over the last seven years."  
  
Blowing up the Caretaker's array - that was imprinted in her memory, as clear as if it had been yesterday. First meeting Neelix and Kes, then having to say good bye to them both. The trial, when she was asked by Quinn for asylum, so he could die. Seska, abandoning them after seizing the ship, and when she came to reek havoc on them by jury-rigging the Insurrection: Alpha holo-program. The Borg, Species 8472. so much had happened in those seven years.  
  
"Well, almost everything," Kathryn amended, as she remembered the short time she and Chakotay had spent on New Earth together. The Angry Warrior legend. "I can tell you a story, an ancient legend among my people. It's about an angry warrior who lived his life in conflict with the rest of his tribe. A man who couldn't find peace, even with the help of his spirit guide. For years he struggled with his discontent, but the only satisfaction that he ever got came when he was in battle. This made him a hero among his tribe, but the warrior still longed for peace within himself. One day he and his war party were captured by a neighbouring tribe led by a woman warrior. She called on him to join her because her tribe was too small and weak to defend itself from all its enemies. The woman warrior was brave and beautiful and very wise. The angry warrior swore to himself that he would stay by her side doing whatever he could to make her burden lighter. From that point on her needs would come first. And in that way the warrior began to know the true meaning of peace." When, on her first visit to Sandrines, how she had feigned ignorance at how to play pool. "Commander, your stick." Watching Chakotay trying to resuscitate her, then cradling her limp body when it failed when an alien tried to entice her into his 'matrix'. "Breathe Kathryn, damn it. You can't die." Walking along the boardwalk in 1995 Los Angeles with Chakotay, when they had been searching for Captain Braxton. "She does have your legs." The horror she had felt when Admiral Janeway had told her that Chakotay was going to die, along with their children. "They die. They all die." When they had found the Equinox, Chakotay telling her that she was pursuing a vendetta, and then when she relieved him of duty. "This isn't about rules and regulations. It's about right and wrong - and I'm warning you. I won't let you cross that line again." Those would remain private; they would never be shared with Starfleet.  
  
"The Maquis field commissions are being honoured." Kathryn smiled as she remembered B'Elanna flinging her arms around Tom, before doing the same to her when she had heard the news.  
  
"And Starfleet scientists are fighting over all we've brought back. But it's not all business. Families are being reunited. And new members being introduced."  
  
Kathryn stopped recording, and left her ready room, going through to the briefing room, before heading out onto the bridge. She was the last on Voyager, and tears pricked in the back of her eyes as she looked around the deserted bridge. Her fingers traced the dedication plaque.  
  
"Would you believe it? After all those battles, it's never fallen down before."  
  
"Let's put it back where it belongs."  
  
So many memories. If the walls could speak, what tales they could tell.  
  
"It appears Voyager has lost its sex appeal."  
  
"Good work Commander. In the future, if I have any questions about mating behaviour, I'll know where to come."  
  
"I'm reading two Borg vessels. Make that three. Four. No, five. Fifteen Borg vessels. Distance: 2.1 light years and closing."  
  
Memories from the last seven years came rushing back as Kathryn let the turbolift doors close, looking out onto the bridge of Voyager for what could be the last time. She may get another command, but even if she commanded every ship in the fleet, none would ever be as special to her as Voyager had been. The turbolift stopped on Deck 2, and she got out. Before she left, she would walk the ship. The mess hall, with Neelix's kitchen, sickbay, empty now, without the Doctor, engineering, the cargo bays. And as on the bridge, she could hear the ghosts of her crew, and everyone else who had ever walked aboard Voyager.  
  
"Sitting here, attempting to mediate, I have counted the number of ways I know of killing someone - using just a finger, a hand, a foot. I had reached 94."  
  
"I know you're asking yourself, 'Why would a brilliant, handsome, dashingly omnipotent being like Q want to mate with a scraggy little bipedal specimen like me?'"  
  
"Let me guess. No one else would have you?"  
  
"Do you have a better idea?"  
  
"We are Borg."  
  
"I take that as a yes."  
  
"He also possesses Tuvok's irritating sense of intellectual superiority and Neelix's annoying ebullience. I would be very grateful to you if you would assign him some duty. Any duty. somewhere else."  
  
"There's an ancient Chinese curse, Captain. "May you live in interesting times." Mealtime is always interesting now that Neelix is in the kitchen."  
  
"I don't suppose there's anyway I can change your mind. I know how stubborn you can be."  
  
"Three years ago I didn't even know your name. Today I can't imagine a day without you."  
  
"You're more than just my captain. You're my friend."  
  
"I dread the day when everyone on this ship agrees with me."  
  
"You're a gung-ho kind of gal, aren't you?"  
  
"One thing gentlemen. Now that we're in this race, we're in it to win. After all, Starfleet's honour is at stake."  
  
"You didn't poison the coffee, did you?"  
  
"No more than I usually do."  
  
They would stay on board Voyager forever. The transporter room was last, and she took a deep breath, before preparing to give the order to beam her off Voyager.  
  
"Janeway to Starfleet Command. One to beam down."  
  
She watched the transporter room disappear around her, before finding herself surrounded by her crew, all still in uniform.  
  
"Ready, Captain?" Admiral Paris had chosen to wait with his wife and daughters, and it was Reg Barclay who asked the question. Fumbling for Chakotay's hand, before grasping it firmly, she nodded. This was to be the public's first introduction to the crew of Voyager, and instinctively she felt the senior staff gather around her. Chakotay, Tuvok, Tom, B'Elanna, with little Miral in her arms, Harry, Seven and the Doctor. They would support her now, as they had done during the seven years of their journey. It was strange without Neelix being there, and she knew that Naomi also missed the Talaxian. The little girl was standing near the front with her mother, looking nervous at the thought of meeting her father. Kathryn caught her eye, and gave her a reassuring smile, before the large hanger door in front of them was lifted, and they saw the crowd waiting outside. Sam Wildman started to wave at someone in the crowd, pointing them out to Naomi, who smiled. Admiral Paris and his family were already moving forward, prompting other relatives to do the same.  
  
"Mum, Dad, this is B'Elanna, my wife and our daughter Miral," Tom announced proudly as soon as the admiral, his wife and daughters neared.  
  
Kathryn's face lit up as soon as she saw who she was looking for.  
  
"Mum! Phoebe!" she called. The two Janeway women looked up at Kathryn, who was making her way through the crowds, Chakotay's hand still firmly grasped in hers.  
  
"Mum, Phoebe, I'd like you to meet my fiancé." 


End file.
